What I want is way different then where I have allowed myself to end up. I need to figure out a way to fill the gap between the two. The tough part is finding the balance and not hurting anyone or myself. It really is a fine line to try and walk.
I have situation A which is great. There are so many things that I love about it. There are also things about it that I really wish could change. Unfortunately, the things that I wish could change are beyond my control. Which leaves me in the position of waiting to see if what I want, out of situation A, will happen or not. In the mean time, I will enjoy the time I get to spend with this person. Our time together is extremely special to me and I value it very deeply. I just hope they understand what they mean to me, how much I care for them and how badly I want them to be happy again. With or without me.
What I need is a gay best friend. I need someone who has a little more freedom of their time. A person who will go out on a date with and not expect sex at the end of it. Someone that will be a friend to me and allow me to be a friend to them. I know just how much that is to ask of a person. Also, it can be hard to make that kind of connection with someone. Especially for me as I don't easily let people into my life. There really has to be a connection and trust for me in order for that to happen.
Please don't think that I am complaining. Cause I really am not. I am just taking my thoughts and putting it down in words. Sometimes that makes it easier for me work on a plan of attack and to organize things in my life. I will gladly listen to any ideas or advice that you care to give.
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