Bucket List for 2013

So, yes, even I fall victim every now and again the the New Years Resolution thing.  This time instead of making a resolution list, I am making it a bucket list.  Things I would like to do in 2013.  Not things I resolve to do.  So if they happen that is great.  If not I carry them over to the next year.  So here is what I came up with.

Places to visit:
Toledo Zoo
Detroit Zoo
Belle Isle
Kalahari Water Park
Wild Safari Park
Cedar Point
Traverse City
Henry Ford Museum
DIA
Michigan Science Center
Red Oak Water Park at least 2x

Things I would like to do to better myself:
Motorcycle at least a 1000 miles
Bicycle at least 200 miles
Pay off my medical bills
Loose about 50 pounds
Be more social with friends old and new
Walk with Max 3 times a  week
Alignment on my car
New tires for the new rims for my car
Urban Explore more
Roller skate more
Buy a pedometer
Read 3 new books
Save at least $1000
Get my kite out more (and not loose it)

Fun things that would be nice to do:
Camping at least 2 weekends
Tube at least twice
Throw at least 3 parties/dinners
Go fishing
Take a ride on a boat
Take a photography class
Fly somewhere
Attend at least 2 concerts

One thing that must absolutely happen:
Monthly dinners with my P.I.C.

Not a very big list and certainly a very workable list.  So here goes nothing!  Best wishes to you all in 2013 and may you make your bucket list happen as well!

This is My Mind's Scene

I was asked to write up a scene for a curious person who did not understand some things that I was talking about at all.  He also was not into pain.  If he had been the spanking would have been much more intense.

What could happen if I was in charge...

First, you would greet me at the door in nothing but boxer briefs.  You would take my coat from me and undress me of my vanilla clothing. You are to touch only my clothing. Every time you slip and touch my skin that earns you a hit with the paddle. Underneath my Clothing I will have on a corset bra and panties.  Do not touch me without my direct permission.  

You would then remove your boxers and kneel next to me on the floor.  I would then start warming you up with simple touches, kisses and bites.  You are to remain perfectly still while I do this.  The only thing that may move is your cock.  The first time you move you will get a hard bite.  Second time 2 hits with the paddle.  Third you get cuffed.  Also no touching yourself.  If you make it through with no moving you will get some time to touch with your hands my tits as a reward.

Now you lay on the bed face down so that your ass is exposed.  I then proceed to tie down your hands and feet.  After you are tied down I distribute any punishment that you earned up to this point.   Then I would give you a few minutes to calm back down.  The next thing would be to start touching you.  At first with just my finger tips.  All over your naked body.  Down your arms, up your legs, across your neck, down around your ass and maybe over your balls.  Sending sensations through the skin.  Drawing blood to the surface so that every nerve is standing at attention.  Leave you craving for me to touch you and wondering where I will touch next.

The next step would be gentle slaps with the lightweight flogger.  Yet another layer of sensation.  Nothing hard just gentle hits, In between I would use the flogger like a like a feather and swirl the ends around on your warmed skin.  Make you shiver from head to toe.

Since you are a wuss and not into the pain that brings pleasure, I would bring the spanking to an end.  While you are still face down and tied I would start by teasing you balls.  Light little touches. May even pull out the feather whip that I have. Make you want to squirm so bad.  Drive you to the point of wanting to cum.  Getting you to the edge and stopping forcing you to pull back.  For you can not cum before me.

Now I place my pussy in front of your face.  Your hands are still tied.  So I spread my pussy open for you.  With only your tongue you are to make me cum.  Not some soft little orgasm, I want you to make me scream when I cum.  All you have to this with is your face and tongue.  Make it happen or play will stop there and you will be dismissed.

If you make me cum, like I told you to do it, you will be rewarded. We will start by turning you over but you will remain tied.  I will run my tongue all around your nipples.  Then small nibbles on your neck. I will run my hands all over your body.  Ending at your cock.  I slowly wrap my fingers around it and move them up and down.  Run them down to the base and tighten my grip.  then my tongue will come out to soak your cock.  Starting at the tip and going down to the base, all the way around.  Making you wetter and wetter as I work it with my tongue.  I would even lick your balls.  Suck them in to my mouth.  Then I would come back up to the head of your cock and take you into my mouth.  Then all the way down.  letting you feel your cock touch the back of my throat. I would fuck you with my mouth.  Up and down, deep making you harder and wetter with each suck.  With my hands I will play with your balls and your nipples.  Massage your taint and make you want to cum.

Then just as you are on the edge and about to cum, I will stop and take all hands off.  leaving you lying there wanting, begging, pleading for me to finish and allow you to release.  I will stand over you watching this all happen.  See you quiver with excitement and disappointment.  Just as you come to terms with the fact that you are not going to get to cum, I will once again take you in my mouth.  Fuck you as hard and as fast as I can.  Giving you that release and allowing you to cum in my mouth.  Then as you are laying there tired and weak.  I will release you from your ties and take you in my arms.  Holding you while you rest.

Photo Bucket List

So I have a bucket list of sexual things that I would like to try.  I wish that it would quit growing...lol.  But I am constantly seeing new things that just intrigue me.  My mind instantly goes I want to try that.

So what I would like to start doing is trying them and possibly picture documenting them.  Taking the picture will do two things for me.  First, it will allow me to have "proof" that I have been there and done that...lol.  Second, I hope, it will help me learn to accept and love my body, teach me how to be comfortable in front of the camera.

I know with all the pictures I have on Fet you have to be thinking, "What the hell is she talking about?"  But if you really look most of my pictures are boobs up or specific body parts.  I hate to have picture of my whole body taken.  So I am learning to make myself do this more often.  It really is a challenge to me but slowly I feel I will accept myself for how I look.  I still want to change how I look in my stomach area and will do so.  Until, I see the changes I need to learn to like what I have.

One of the first pictures that I want to start with is me, giving a blow job.  I want the picture where I have a cock partially in my mouth and I am looking up into the camera.  I know pretty specific but I have a vision of what I want to see.  Now, I just have to find the right cock! lol

A Little Moment of Squee

So despite making some changes that were necessary, I am happy to to know one thing hasn't changed.  I still get to be called babygirl and he still wants to be called Daddy.  Knowing this little fact gives me a warm, squishy squee inside.

I am happy with what things are because it allows him to stay in my life.  Especially, since now I can't picture him not being part of it in some way.

Where Did Those Bricks Come From?

You know that feeling, when a realization hits you and it feels like a ton of bricks landed on you.  Not the best feeling ever but, often provides you with that moment of clarity that has been needed.  A few weeks ago, I had one of those moments.

It hit me today, that I am currently in a Monday through Friday 9 to 5 relationship with no weekends and occasional overtime.  Those are great hours for an old school business but, not for a relationship.  Especially, since a lot of the new school businesses are open 24 hours.  I want something that has overtime and even a weekend every now and again.  I wish it could be the relationship that I am in.  I understand that what he has to loose is way more then what I have to loose.  I am trying to be strong and understanding.  Still every now and again a feeling of overwhelmingly loneliness just creeps in there and smacks me in the face.

I think I need to ask more questions.  Get answers and figure out what direction I should really head in.  I would love to get answers that make the waiting all worth while.  I just wish I could believe that what I am waiting for will actually happen. 

Have vs. Need

What I want is way different then where I have allowed myself to end up.  I need to figure out a way to fill the gap between the two.  The tough part is finding the balance and not hurting anyone or myself.  It really is a fine line to try and walk.

I have situation A which is great.  There are so many things that I love about it.  There are also things about it that I really wish could change.  Unfortunately, the things that I wish could change are beyond my control.  Which leaves me in the position of waiting to see if what I want, out of situation A, will happen or not.  In the mean time, I will enjoy the time I get to spend with this person.  Our time together is extremely special to me and I value it very deeply.  I just hope they understand what they mean to me, how much I care for them and how badly I want them to be happy again.  With or without me.

What I need is a gay best friend.  I need someone who has a little more freedom of their time.  A person who will go out on a date with and not expect sex at the end of it.  Someone that will be a friend to me and allow me to be a friend to them.  I know just how much that is to ask of a person.  Also, it can be hard to make that kind of connection with someone.  Especially for me as I don't easily let people into my life.  There really has to be a connection and trust for me in order for that to happen.

Please don't think that I am complaining.  Cause I really am not.  I am just taking my thoughts and putting it down in words.  Sometimes that makes it easier for me work on a plan of attack and to organize things in my life.  I will gladly listen to any ideas or advice that you care to give.

Self Portrait in Words

Hair of ever changing color
Soulful blue eyes
A nose to wide
Gauged ears, one sticks out more
Naturally pouted lips
Shoulders that hold the weight of my world
Scarred at 31 from a defective heart
Short stubby fingers
Big curves galore
Large beautiful pierced breasts
Strong defined legs
Flesh permanently stained of ink
Short as all hell
Nice round bottom that takes a hand well
Arms that crave to hold tight
Desire to parent through my own body or another's
Eager to comfort and please
Willing to fight for what I love
Brutally honest on some occasions
Loyal if you treat me right
Looking for my soul mate in all the wrong places
Been a bitch most of my life
Misses Sunday dinners at the grandparents
Been stripped of motherhood once
Have trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
Scared of always being alone
Fuse of very short length
Allowed myself to be in a difficult situation
Patience that falsely seems never ending
There to stand by you and make you better
Wants to see a smile on your face
Courageous on the outside, terrified on the inside
Please lay with me through the night
Kiss me, hug me and always want me near.